December 2010
30 posts
SnOMG
If there’s one piece of advice I can give you, it’s never kick a cloud. Never ever kick a cloud. It gets all huffy and then the storm never stops. It’s snow. It’s rain. It’s hail. For days and days and days. You’ll never live it down. The guilt always sticks around. Enemies for life.
Every joyous occasion ruined by a soggy old storm cloud.
Just ask my ex-wife.
Milk and Cookies
“It’s always milk and cookies. Milk AND DAMN COOKIES. For once, I’d love a nice glass of red wine and an artisinal cheese. Mix it up, people. Mix it up! Santa enjoys the finer things in life, don’t ya know.”
Separated at Birth
It starts as a bump. A harmless lump on your face. A pimple, you’ll think. But then a week goes past. It sticks around for a bit. Then it grows. There is no diagnosis. It’s just rotten luck.
The one good thing is that a leprechaun never forgets its host. So you’ll probably be rewarded with a pot of gold if you can ever find your kid again.
Expected
I can taste the heat. My heart beating as I pace by the door. He’ll be here soon. One-two-three and one-two-three and the doorbell rings.
I lose my cool.
How do you greet Satan anyways?
Happy Holiblaze
It was like a scene from a storybook.
There were carolers singing at the front door, stockings hung by the fireplace and even an angel tree topper.
No one saw me sneak out the back door.
No one saw me set the fire.
But everyone heard me ho-ho-ho.
Expectations
“Excuse me, do you have the time?”
“Oh, it’s 6:52.” Damn, late again.
“Thank you.”
“No problem.”
He was handsome. Excuse me’s and thank you’s don’t see commonplace anymore. I wanted to say more, but I just smiled.
The next stop is mine and we bump into each other on the way out.
We exchange sorries.
It’s...
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Not Harry
There was something about him that different. He could feel it deep down within his being. Maybe it was the unruly hair? No, just common bedhead. Or it could have been his fascination with witchcraft? He doubted it. Just a hobby, really. Then there was the scar. The one right on his kneecap. The one no one could see but him. It was truly different. It was shaped like a little storm cloud.
...
“So long as I remain alive and well I shall continue to feel strongly about prose...”
– Why I Write by George Orwell (via lostinthesounds)
All in Good Time
The fireworks in the air didn’t stir a soul. There was no “aww” or “ooh” to be heard amongst the crowd. They were focused on the unveiling of the time machine. A time machine that promised the wrong side would win.
25
They glided overhead, hooves beating on clouds, the wind guided them onwards. Colorful lights illuminated the sky, the smell of freshly baked cookies wafted through chimnies and the sound of bells rang throughout the town. The night would go on as planned. No one would suspect a thing.
Headaches
It’s really hard to apply mascara when you’re a unicorn.
Really?
It was messy.
The cheese slid down the wall and onto the sofa.
“Do you think mom will notice?”
“I doubt it. She’s a werewolf now.”
Loneliness
It was too late. She was already falling. She wondered who would catch her this time.
No one.
Truth
Shelly was lost in it. The waves crashing over her, pushing her farther out into the sea, she grasped for anything, but instead, she sank. Her eyes open, she searched the waters for clues. Where was rescue? Was it wrong that she wanted help? She could admit now that it was a mistake, but at the time, she was desperate and alone with no one to call her own.
She came from a family of pirates. She...
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I really appreciate it! :)
Questions with No Answers
I don’t know if they’ll ask questions. If they did, I don’t hold the answers. No one really knows what size shoe a sasquach wears.
Imagination
I was lost in between birthdays. I was more than gone but less than here. What could I call myself? I wasn’t a believer. My age couldn’t identify. My reflection broke mirrors. My voice was strong like vinegar and choked you before you could say hello. I wasn’t a villain, but certainly not a hero. I wanted to be your deity, but I was never able to undress my soul.
I searched in...
You Always Think You Know, but Really You're Wrong
They were always watching me. Them. The man. A man. Next to me. Over my shoulder. I didn’t like him. His smell. Sweet like candy and I’m sure there was a puppy hidden there in his briefcase. Or some lollipops. I could tell he was bad. A very, bad man, indeed.
“Hey, excuse me? Do you have the time?”
“What? You communist, leave me alone. I don’t have any money....
Doomed
It wasn’t his fault, no one told him Cornelius the Dragon was in town.
His gingerbread house was burnt to a crisp. He ran out of invisibility potion the night before and the apothecary had closed early for the town’s visitor, leaving him wide open for attack.
Johnson feared the counsel more than he feared Cornelius.
“Patrick K. Johnson, please explain yourself.”
They didn’t...
Sweet Delights
Ginny lived in a hamburger bun.
“I’m the meat,” she exclaimed, but no one took her seriously.
She often wondered what it be like to swish around in a giant belly. She would probably have more room to decorate and it wouldn’t get soggy when it rained.
One day a giant visited Ginny’s hamburger bun house.
“Hey there, why do you live in a hamburger bun?”...
Children's Games
In the dark, your eyes play tricks on you. Glowing eyes, invisible hands on your back and the sound of foot steps lingering in the hallway. It’s just your imagination.
Or is it?
Chit Chat
My cat is a talker. He’s always chatting with me. We talk about sports. We talk about the weather. He’s smart too. He was telling me about those Chilean miners. Like how does he know this stuff? He told me he reads the newspaper online.
I think he reads it when he uses the litter box.
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Eyeballs
I tripped, they rolled and I tripped again.
My hands went searching for what they couldn’t see and what rolled were my eyeballs. I couldn’t catch them and who on Earth knows why they ran away from me this time. I promised to be patient, squint less and rest more. Wear my shades on sunny days. Stop staying up late, glaring at computer screens. I promised to wash my contact lenses every...
Tracing Tongues
His words were like rays from the sun, Brian’s cheeks flushed and freckles started to form across his nose. A slow process, but like with any crush, Brian thought it was worth it. He had been nodding so long, hanging on every word, he wondered if his face could do anything else but beam.
“Oh excuse me, I have to take this,” Damien said, stepping away from Brian and walking into...
Conversations about the Internet
“I’m sorry. He’s not always like this, I promise. Please just take him off my hands. I don’t want him anymore. He’s a handful. He has too much love. My eyes hurt from the glow. Please take him away.”
It’s a tug-o-war.
“But I love him. Every…little…thing…and he holds the answers. He has them all in his head. He’s a smart...
Dust
El Dorado had a cactus lover named Petunia. She left scratches down his back and liked it rough. El Dorado was a gentle creature despite being half rattlesnake. HE pleaded for mercy, but not till he yelped the safe word would he be freed.
Their relationship was complicated like summer and winter, but they stayed together through several moultings.
It wasn’t till the great drought that El...
Thoughts on Boy
Split me open and you won’t find frogs, snails or puppy-dogs’ tails. You’ll find a heart beating just like yours and even though I smile down the hallway, I hurt inside. I don’t want to be a stereotype, but I can’t fight you any other way. I’m just a guy, dude and bro. I’m a boy. I’m a man. I’m not supposed to think about it, but I can’t...
Thoughts on Girl
I hear them.
She never says hello to people.
She’s rude.
She never changes her clothes.
She smells.
She never smiles.
Her hair is dirty.
What is wrong with her?
Hello? I’m here. Listening to every single comment you say about me. Some of those thoughts are in my head. Some of those thoughts are from strangers. Some of those thoughts are from my friends. I’ll never know...